I joke a lot about dating in my 40’s, it has its moments for sure but it’s also pretty tough.  Learning to navigate the complexities of previous relationships, children, aging parents and not to mention online dating, ouff I tell ya, ouff!!

I had a fairly good handle on dating in my young years.  I had a sense of adventure, an open spirit and if I’m honest, probably more confidence than I had a right to at the time.  I didn’t struggle to find people to hang out with and I think most know I’m rather social in nature so was always out and about.  I met some incredible men and had some wonderful relationships.  I didn’t realize as a young person, the truly free spirit that I approached dating and life in general.  No pressure, no responsibilities, no significant baggage to speak of just new experiences and a sense of fun on each horizon.  

I absolutely have no handle on how to date now in my 40’s. Like truly none!  They are tricky waters to surf at the best of times and I often feel like my little boat is sinking.  I’ve never been married and as my friend’s joke, I sat out the first round, so to speak.  Most people I know have been married and are trying to figure out this next stage of life that includes separation, divorce and what that all might mean in the dating realm.  Although I was engaged once, I never made it down the aisle, but that’s a long, so so long story for another time.  I also don’t have kids, always wanted them but it was never the right time or the right person, I just assumed I’d have them one day or adopt, or both.  That didn’t happen either, but I’ve been blessed to be an auntie over and over again with my friend’s kids.  I have a very full life, love and support and incredible opportunity at every turn.  I have the love of my family and my friends, absolutely, the unconditional kind that most of us long for, but am missing the love of a partner in life.  I have a complete life in all the ways that matter to me, I mean that truly, but do wish for that special someone to share that life with and for me to share in his.  

Online dating is in a world all its own.  I’m awkward enough in person but then you add the unknown of the internet, dating aps and people I don’t know.  I’ve tried it a couple of times, didn’t love it, met a few doozies that made me never want to try it again but also met some lovely gentlemen along the way.   I don’t understand the lingo, oh goodness, I sound ancient even saying lingo…. but I really don’t get it most of the time.  I have to look up the abbreviations and emojis just to figure out what the heck someone might be saying to me.  Who has that kind of energy, ouff!  

I have learned a few things that stuck with me and had my heart broken a couple of times.  I’ve met some wonderful people who I’m lucky to still call friends and I have abundant hope for what’s to come.  A bit of advice I’ve learned the hard way but will share for those trying to navigate it too

1. Be up front with what you’re looking for – there is nothing wrong with looking for something temporary or long lasting, just let your prospective partner know so they can manage their own expectations.
2. Be as you as you can be – whether awkward or funny or something in between and all the above, let it all shine so that the right person can fall in love with all that you are
3. If you want to talk to someone, do it – don’t play coy or wait to text, message, or call back for a certain amount of time, people love to know when they are being thought of
4. Don’t ghost someone – whether you’ve been out twice or for months or even years, don’t simply disappear.  Difficult conversations are called that for a reason, they are difficult, and they suck in every way, for everyone.  I promise you though, in the long run, you will be doing the person you no longer wish to be involved with a great kindness.  The ghostee is left with so many questions that can’t be answered and ultimately feeling like they are not worthy, valuable, or desirable and that is a sad place to be.
5. Enjoy it – as much as you can, live in those moments for as long as they last.  

I’m still learning how to do this whole dating in mid-life thing, but I keep trying because deep down, I’m a romantic who loves the idea of love.  Finding that person who is your person and you are theirs, how incredible that seems to me and what a joyous quest to be on.  I wish you all that, love in your lives and to know you’re loved in your best of times and your worst.  I’ll be cheering for you on your own search if you’re single these days or if you’ve found your person, I’m so happy for you for that!  Love is love and I wish that for you, wherever you might be on that journey!

#2022AdventureIsCalling.